Sunday, November 22, 2009

Cocky Carter

I hear it all the time, "your hella cocky...why are you so cocky" blah blah BLAH...I know its so cliché to say "I'm not cocky, I'm confident" which is very true in my situation, but that is not the full reason I am so "cocky". For the ones who do not know me personally, let me let you inside my life for a quick sec & explain my "cocky-ness". First I want you to understand something, I am doing this because I want to. I damn sure as heck do NOT ever need to explain myself to anyone on why I am the way I am. In reality, NO ONE should. I am doing this to help you understand me & my ways a little more so you can see where this "cocky" persona comes from.

There are a lot of people who know me, but there are a handful of people who know the REAL me. Before "Casey Carter" I was just a normal girl. Okay, I'm lying. I've never been normal. I've had a very interesting 23 years on this planet. What I've been through, the pain I've endured & the things I've seen have not be always been pretty. From growing up without a Father or male figure in my life, to falling in love not once, but twice with boys who put my heart through a garbage disposal, and also having so called "friends" do the most un-Godly things behind & in front of me are some of the reasons why I am the way I am, "cocky".

For so long, I never knew what I wanted to do with my life. After graduating from High School (barely), I had no career aspirations or goals I wanted to fulfill. I always wanted to have nice & extravagant things, but I never knew how I was going to get those things. I just knew I wanted to have them some day. Maybe I'd win the lottery or somethin?

While with my (2nd)ex, I figured I was content with everything at the time. Even tho our relationship wasn’t perfect with all the wrong he was doing I had it settled in my mind I could just have an office job, marry this boy, have babies & be set. *BUZZER NOISE* WRONG. Things didn't end up working & our "happily ever after" was over. I was forced to move on & start my OWN life. Now that was not the easiest thing for me because I had been so accustomed to having another "source" in my life. My mom was my other "source" until my ex became it. Now that he was gone, I had to do it all on my own. I couldn't go running back to mom so it took me a while to get back on my feet again, but after I stayed consistent in my struggle I finally started getting somewhere.

In that process, I started to see who I really was. Just Casey. With no influence from anyone else, I got to understand who I was. Flash forward to present day & here I am. A girl who had no goals, no backbone, to a woman now who has set high goals & ambitions & one hell of a backbone. I am "cocky" because I work so hard for the things I have & have accomplished. I started this whole entire "Casey Carter" thing almost a year ago along with this blog & I look at all the things that I have done since then & am amazed with myself. Throwing CRACKIN ass parties? An online radio show? Being a recognized name? The list goes on. I've obtained all of these things & this is only the beginning? Why not feel myself? I have a connects list that is of high quality. I can easily call up someone & get almost anything I want & I haven't even ventured out of Seattle. This all from a girl who was nothing. A girl who depended on someone for almost everything, to a woman who is INDEPENDENT & working on becoming a BUSINESS, maaan. NOT a business wo-man. Now don't get it twisted, even tho I am my #1 fan, I am also very, VERY appreciative for every single thing in my life. I thank GOD & everyone else in my life every moment I get because without them, I'm NO ONE. At the same time, you gotta just understand one key thing, if I don't feel myself, who will? Like I said, I was nothing. Now I am SOMEONE.

If anyone would've told me I would be a where I am today, I would've never believed them. So call me "cocky" all you want, just know I feel myself with reasoning & with the way things are going, I'm only getting "cockier" by the minute. You could love me, even hate me, but do it while UNDERSTANDING me.

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